I have yet to experience the phenomena that is "Black Friday." The name wreaks of evil. Maybe Cusack could've raked in a few more bucks in the box office had "2012" been named "Black Friday."
Nomenclature aside, there's more gravitas reasons as to why I choose not to partake in the "running of the bulls-esque" parade of white trash that takes every Walmart and Target by Storm the first Friday after Thanksgiving.
1. I'm still in the process of working off a gnarley turkey hangover.
2. My idea of fun does NOT include being trampled by morbidly obese Texans (usually named Bertha or Leroy or something along those lines).
3. I HATE standing in lines.
I don't care what it is I'm buying, or who I'm buying it for - lines drive me crazy. I usually have nowhere important to be, but I usually find myself criticizing the hell out of people for everything from what kind of shoes they wear, to which groceries they've decided to buy when I'm stuck in a line. I promise I'm usually not a cynical person (despite the tone that many of my posts may take) but waiting lines can bring the worst out in me.
I'm a product of my generation. The "Y" generation is noted primarily for its need of immediate satisfaction. Call it what you want, but if you want to harp on this trait, then I'll deem you nostalgic and thwarting progression. I can't have it. Luckily, the "Black Friday" circus has gone digital for the people like me who don't see the point in waiting 45 minutes for a Chipotle burritio when Freebirds is half a block away. Enter, "Cyber Monday."
No, I know what you're thinking: Cyber Monday has nothing to do with chat roulette or live webcams. It is simply the culmination of the anger from a multitude of people who share the same sentiments about Black Friday that I do.
Google "Cyber Monday," and watch what returns. The first two sponsored results are for Walmart (the hell spawn responsible for the dimensional tear that occurs every Friday after Thanksgiving) and Amazon (what I would consider the online version of Walmart, minus the low grade groceries I wouldn't give to my dog).
And rightly so. These two online storefronts, along with Target.com received the most traffic on Cyber Monday, and offered the most coupons (Google it).
Beware of "Identity Theft Tuesday."
